I figured I'd start this off, because from the looks of it (6 views) most people clicked on Ryan's link, looked at the page and continued living their lives. I however, don't currently have a life and thus have the time to sit down and explain to you all something about other things. I'm not actually naked right now, but only a thin piece of silk is separating my butthole from Kelly's pillows - I decided to fart on Greg and Kelly's pillows because this morning they woke me up while re-enacting scenes from last nights Curb and giggling like little school girls. I was like, hey, its 7AM and I have to decide whether or not to get out of bed in three hours.
So yeah, I recently moved into the Briscolecki residence. It's been pretty sweet, but kind of boring. I'm sort of looking for a job, and sort of watching bits and pieces of Despicable Me everyday, and sort of masturbating in every corner of the apartment (it started out as every room, but there's only like 7 distinct rooms here, so come on, knocked that out in like three hours). I'm also taking a class at Second City, which is great and funny and motivating me to not let my brain waste away - but I'm also convinced that they have ingeniously monetized a way to lead desperate people that are kind of funny into thinking they have a future "writing" for "showbiz." But what the heck do I know, you know? There are also a lot of improv-y people there - you know those people that, like, wear "Geology Rocks" shirts and say things like "Uh well, I prefer long form comedy sketches, it's what I did in college, and because you know the joke is able to really evolve" while I quietly see how long I can hold my breath before passing out.
Anyway writing this has made me realized I need to go do something. Like eat, or poop, or go outside. I'll leave you with my typical daily to-do list:
1. Wake up (on deflated air mattress).
2. Think about sleeping more.
3. Stare at ceiling.
4. Walk into kitchen.
5. Walk into TV room.
6. Walk back into bedroom.
7. Forget why walked into bedroom, walk back into TV room.
8. Channel surf for 10 minutes.
9. Play a word or five with friends
10. Repeat steps 3-9 for 4 hours.
11. Remember that I had walked into my room to get my computer so I could look for jobs or do something on the internet that would make me feel like I had done something.
12. Go get computer.
13. Get on Craigslist.
14. Get angry at Craigslist because all the jobs require something I don't have, like skills or experience or minimum time commitments.
15. Wait for Kelly or Greg to get home like an abandoned puppy or beaten housewife.
16. Eat dinner and watch Greg and Kelly play 100 games of FIFA.
17. Spy on the neighbors before falling asleep.
Yours truly,
Quinn
You're funny for a wee sprout, I like your writing a lot, I even LITERALLY lol'd at this but I want you to know how much effort I put into deciding whether or not to read this long ass post. So get a job. It'll make your posts shorter.
ReplyDeletePS - I don't have a job. That's why I had the time to read this. And comment on it. And write a post script.
If you are in possession of currency then do not hesitate to contact me.
- $it M0n Mi!
While I technically have a job, there are long stretches of it when I do absolutely nothing. This blog is a godsend. Expect epic posts. Epic. So long and incomprehensible that only the most unemployable (Q) and pokey (Jim/Nutcase) people will dare read them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Briscoe sucks at FIFA. Fact.