If by scheme you mean tremendous opportunity to make fat cash, then yeah, it's a killer scheme

So Greg, Kelly and I are trying to get together some capital for a verrrry lucrative investment deal. All we need is around $100k to start. I'm telling you guys, this can't miss. Unfortunately due to the confidential nature of the securities which are being custom-bundled to serve our interest, we can't disclose any details except to say that we can promise 10-12% annual returns. Guaranteed motherfuckers. Pony up.

Here is what we will need from our friends:

Kristin:

I think it is high time we started cashing in on that coffee shop of yours. Since you manage the books, it shouldn't be too hard to raise somewhere in the neighborhood of $20-30k. Remember, 10-12% annual, so you just have to hide that shit for a few months, you'll have it back in dividends alone in no time. Think of it as an investment in your shop.

Q:

We need you to cozy up to those rich-ass-heck ski types. This may require you to get off your lazy ass and GTFO of Denver. Hit up all the resort towns in CO, cozy up to a cougar with a penchant for red headed step children and pilfer that old bat. I expect between $5-10k in a month or two (conservative estimate) with a steady sugar mommy income to follow.

Dennis:

Continue to "get cash daily." Send said cash to Greg. Profit.

Peanut:

I am sure you are already scamming someone out of money out there, just redirect the funds from coke and pricey North Hollywood hookers and send it to Greg.

Kyle:

Get the fuck out of Wheaton. Jesus dude, what is with that?

OK, that upfront cash plus what we have already should get us going. Our fucking troubles are over everybody, you just gotta trust your oooooold pal Smits McGrit$. And also Kelly and Greg. I know, I know, Kelly has the classic weak jaw of an untrustworthy coward. But listen, I am vouching for him, and so is Greg. Have you seen Greg's jawline recently? He looks like he could take a bunch from Teddy Roosevelt himself. That is a trustworthy man.

Anyways, you can send money and other assets to:

Greg Omolecki c/o Ponzi Inc., LLC

P.O. Box 421

Chicago IL, 60614

Later Octogoons,

McGrits